Chronic Dater Gifts

"I'm fortyish, forty twelve to be exact"

"...Also, true love is eventually tax deductible."

'I finally met a macho, self-assured, good-looking guy, and wouldn't you know it? - He's doing thirty years to life!'

Small man falling in love with large woman

He wouldn't been a great third date, but not quite worth suffering through dates one and two.

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

"Sure, it's more efficient. But I still miss shooting the arrows."

Online Dating

'Of all the women who responded to my dating profile, you had the best emoticon.'

Kissable Frogs in Your Area

Sally and Doug had met online and were proving to be very compatible...

'I was attracted to you but your online photo, but now that I've seen you in High-Def...'

"Ooo... she sounds nice... 'I enjoy burying myself in the sand and sideways walks on the beach.'"

'Okay, but not in person -- I prefer on-line dating.'

"That guy I just met is already texting me pictures of his plumage."

"Don't take this the wrong way, Howard, but I'd like to go back to having an on-line relationship."

"The last time I was in Europe was 4 boyfriends ago..."

'I'm sorry, Jason. I don't date anyone new until I've googled them.'

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

"I thought you did a great job with your gender neutral statements ... There will be a second date."

"Romeo,Romeo. Are you online,Romeo"

"This isn't working. We have nothing in common."

'Sorry, this isn't that kind of agency. We determine the age of old fossils, not arrange dates for them.'

Financially Secure Romantic with sufficient fire in belly seeks damsel in distress...

"So, do you walk the talk? Replete the tweet? Sext the text?"

We met online.

"What do you mean asking you to marry me via text wasn't romantic? Did you see the emoji with hearts for eyes I attached?"

'Let's do lunch.'

'That must be my computer date.'

"We couldn't connect. He kept spouting technobabble, and I, of course, kept coming back with psychobabble."

"I've become so good at dating—relationships that used to take months now last a matter of days."

'We met online.'

Friday night was always sext night.

"AI can now scan dating sites and find your best match."