Christianity Buffs Gifts

Jesus was a republican because he rode into Jerusalem on a Democrat...

Fishes and Loaves

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"I think I've figured out why we can't find the marina."

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

'Yes, all at once!'

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

"On the eighth day, God found a lot of assembly parts left over."

“...And on the ninth day God created mosquitoes, just to annoy the hell out of everyone.”

'Let's have some fun... give Eve extra memory.'

"OMG, LOL!"

"How was I supposed to know that the apple was a controlled substance?"

'Are we there yet?'

Dogma

"If you think you made a stink pulling the fruit, try pulling His finger."

'No room at the inn, baby born in a manger: It's gonna be a great story to tell at parties...'

Noah's life jacket demonstration

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

'Look man, no wings!'

'The ten commandments have all been reduced to tweets.'

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

"God works in mysterious ways."

Bible Bloopers

Caption Contest TK

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

"Mark, you have to stop calling John's gospel 'Fan Fiction.'"

A vicar is reading 'The Great Begatsby' written by Abraham.

'Even More Disciples'

"Now tell us, Davey, what kind of rock did you use?"

'I'll raise you, Lazarus...'

"Enough with the treehugging already!"

The Vicar 's Invitation to Dinner.

'Okay, Noah...I'm going to tell you again. Listen very carefully this time.'

'You brought gold? I thought we agreed to a twenty dollar limit?'

Don't tell me fibs! I know ou wrote to the Corinthians, and ya wrote to the Romans, bnot to mention to Galatians, but do you write to your mother?