Theology Buffs Gifts

'Thou shall not kill, comma...'

"You know, Eve, after eating that forbidden fruit, I'm starting to see you in a whole new light!"

"Matthew, Mark, Luke, Peter. John you are out of order again."

'No, make the dominant race out of placental mammals — marsupials would lead to all kind of abortion controversies.'

'Hey! - Do these make me the Aleph-male?'

'What? -- All that work, and they don't even believe in evolution?'

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

Moses separating his Laundry.

"I think I've figured out why we can't find the marina."

'Wow! -- Talk about a paradigm shift!'

'Yes, all at once!'

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

"On the eighth day, God found a lot of assembly parts left over."

"OMG, LOL!"

'Let's have some fun... give Eve extra memory.'

'WD-40 un-sticks things that should move and duct tape makes things that shouldn't move, stop.'

“...And on the ninth day God created mosquitoes, just to annoy the hell out of everyone.”

"How was I supposed to know that the apple was a controlled substance?"

'If your calculations are correct, this completely revolutionizes everything we thought we knew about why chalk squeaks on a blackboard!'

Priest

Dogma

'No room at the inn, baby born in a manger: It's gonna be a great story to tell at parties...'

"If you think you made a stink pulling the fruit, try pulling His finger."

'It wasn't actually written by God. The Lord used holy ghost writers.'

'The ten commandments have all been reduced to tweets.'

My mother says the bible is full of good people, like Moses, who brought kindness to the world. That alone makes it a worthy basis for morality in today's world. Moses, Numbers 31:9-18(NIV), look it up.

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

"God works in mysterious ways."

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

Bible Bloopers

'I'm an atheist!'

'Look man, no wings!'

Caption Contest TK