Theology Geeks Gifts

Moses attempted to initiate the frog plague on his own.

"Now it's a golden calf! - I TOLD You that You should stop with the monkeys!"

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

'Wow! -- Talk about a paradigm shift!'

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

'Let's have some fun... give Eve extra memory.'

"OMG, LOL!"

“...And on the ninth day God created mosquitoes, just to annoy the hell out of everyone.”

"If you think you made a stink pulling the fruit, try pulling His finger."

Dogma

Priest

'It wasn't actually written by God. The Lord used holy ghost writers.'

'Is there an E-Reader Edition?'

"God works in mysterious ways."

"The fourth horseman says that he will be late. He hasn't left the Old Testament yet."

My mother says the bible is full of good people, like Moses, who brought kindness to the world. That alone makes it a worthy basis for morality in today's world. Moses, Numbers 31:9-18(NIV), look it up.

'We were kind of hoping to let our CONSCIENCE be our guide.'

"Mark, you have to stop calling John's gospel 'Fan Fiction.'"

The Vicar 's Invitation to Dinner.

"Mine's bigger than yours."

"You want answers?" "I want the truth!" "You can't handle the infinite explanation of cosmological arguments relating to the truth!"

'Our top theologians have studied the issue, Your Majesty, and they agree that you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.'

'I don't get it, I've only served that guy water all evening.'

BRAND-NEW OMG-STORY

"Instead of Red Team and Blue Team, why don't we make it Good v. Evil?"

'Is there a God? God knows...'

''Born again'? -- but I was just born five years ago!'

Promised Land Signpost

'Sometimes I scare myself when I realize that I always was and always will be.'

'I really can't think of a thing to preach about this morning, so I'll take questions from the floor.'

"This wandering in the desert for forty years thing -- It IS allegorical, isn't it?"

Pre-nuptual Nativity

The Pope Code

Worst. God. Ever.

"The wages of sin are ... pretty damn attractive."