Theology Nerds Gifts

For heaven's sake, I'm not "godsplaining" them to you.

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

"OMG, LOL!"

“...And on the ninth day God created mosquitoes, just to annoy the hell out of everyone.”

'Let's have some fun... give Eve extra memory.'

"If you think you made a stink pulling the fruit, try pulling His finger."

Dogma

'You were great at 'Daniel in the Lion's Den!' -- I'd sure like to hear you do 'The Three Little Pigs' sometime!'

"Mrs. Marsha Mullhouse, of Kenosha, Wisconsin, asks, "Are You subject to the laws of physics, or are the laws of physics subject to You?"

Priest

'It wasn't actually written by God. The Lord used holy ghost writers.'

"The fourth horseman says that he will be late. He hasn't left the Old Testament yet."

My mother says the bible is full of good people, like Moses, who brought kindness to the world. That alone makes it a worthy basis for morality in today's world. Moses, Numbers 31:9-18(NIV), look it up.

"God works in mysterious ways."

'We were kind of hoping to let our CONSCIENCE be our guide.'

"Mark, you have to stop calling John's gospel 'Fan Fiction.'"

The Vicar 's Invitation to Dinner.

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

'Please take your receipt!'

'Our top theologians have studied the issue, Your Majesty, and they agree that you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.'

Max Weber

BRAND-NEW OMG-STORY

'I don't get it, I've only served that guy water all evening.'

"Instead of Red Team and Blue Team, why don't we make it Good v. Evil?"

'Is there a God? God knows...'

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

The Pope Code

Promised Land Signpost

Worst. God. Ever.

''Born again'? -- but I was just born five years ago!'

'Sometimes I scare myself when I realize that I always was and always will be.'

'I really can't think of a thing to preach about this morning, so I'll take questions from the floor.'

Pre-nuptual Nativity

Albertus Magnus