Religious History Nerd Gifts

Facebook 33 A.D.

'Yes, all at once!'

'Yorick? No, I don't think so, unless of course he was a Neanderthal!'

'I'm sure he was a great guy, but there's a new Pharaoh in town.'

"I find that hugely offensive!"

"They're SUPPOSED to have a disparate impact!"

"I couldn't care less if being Homo Sapiens is the latest trend. While you're living in our cave, you better act like a true Neanderthal."

'You were great at 'Daniel in the Lion's Den!' -- I'd sure like to hear you do 'The Three Little Pigs' sometime!'

'You know, I never have had a sabbatical....'

"Excuse me, Reverend, but what, exactly, do you have to do to get a drink around here?"

"What did Jesus order?"

"Believe me it's only an apple."

The ecumenical dinner party.

'Why did Moses wander in the desert for forty years?'

"Mark, you have to stop calling John's gospel 'Fan Fiction.'"

'I'll let your people go when they're fully pyramid-compliant!'

"There Adam. Isn't that a lot more comfortable than that silly little fig leaf?"

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

"No, the Trinity is not the Father, The Son, and the Preacher's wife."

"We're in luck, not a word about retrospectivity."

Moses parting the waves and trolleys appear on the sea bed!

To monk showing book entitled 'Brand Spanking New Testament': "I think we may have to shorten the title."

'You can't recuse yourself from a war!'

Surge Plans.

'I don't get it, I've only served that guy water all evening.'

Shakespeare actually had to paraphrase Julius Caesar's last words.

'Well if you don't want the apple, can I tempt you with this?'

"....After ten o'clock is quiet time on board for the comfort of our passengers."

"Not only should science be Bible-based, Creationism, but also math, Roman numerals!"