Christenings Gifts

'And now if you'd care to move over to the font...'

A crowd of happy pet owners.

Lesbian civil partnership.

Mardi Gras

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

'Oh my God. I love it!'

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

"He's taken buzzed to a whole new level."

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

Bacchus.

Peephole in a pile of presents (colour).

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

'Sooner or later, someone at the party will hand you a sandwich and a glass of wine - then what?'

Dancing Doctor

"Hic. Gosh and begorrah!" "Wha?"

'That'll be four twenty for the beers and sixty quid for the Xmas decorations.'

Dick was the kind of guy who wanted everyone to know it was his birthday.

Wedding Day Itinerary.

Bubbly

Cardiac Recovery.

"She can walk the walk, but can she talk the talk?"

The Grasshopper's Feast: A Prophetic Vision

" ... and peace be with you, although not likely."

"Blow out the candles!" "Make a wish!" "I wish I had my testicles back."

"Happy St Patrick’s Day"

'Don't be silly- of course you're going into the family business!'

"We won!"

Early Piety

"I ask that today is a good day...a day that brings family together...to show how we need one another."

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

"Fred's had too much to drink - now he's hitting on that old coat rack."

The Dance of the Penguins Once the March Is Over

'Apparently the stag party has gone into extra time.'

A couple dressed as a knife and fork