Christening Celebrant Gifts

'We're calling him Noah...'

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

"The wedding cake as holy sacrament"

'Don't be silly- of course you're going into the family business!'

Early Piety

A couple dressed as a knife and fork

Baby Playing Violin

"Excuse me, Reverend, but what, exactly, do you have to do to get a drink around here?"

Two grooms/wedding guests raise a glass.

Baptism Then and Now

"Just one more round guys...then I've got to get back to the church!"

'And you're sure you handed the baby to me?'

"Call him Koffee- he keeps us awake!"

'I couldn't remember your exact age.'

TV Interactive panto - Remote control buttons: Oh yes it is - Oh no it isn't.

"They have to clean her up before they show her to God."

"We bring him gifts of gold, frankincense and mercantile mutual hedge fund options."

"Happy Birthday - I saw this and thought of you."

Congratulations!

A baby being christened in a scuba mask.

"Have you given any thought to legacy and sustainability?"

"Trick or treat?"

". . . and what is the user name of this child?"

A woman stares at a birthday cake that has "4,000,000 calories" written on top of it in icing.

It took a while but Henk finally did lose his Christmas bum.

'Go forth and multiply!'

Free love

"Tis the season to be jolly!"

"Post-holiday dieting will be much easier this year. Our disposable cash flow will be diverted."

'Charles Frederick and Camilla Gladys!'

"Sinead?!"

"We're callin' 'im Bill, coz he came at the end of the month"