Christening Celebrant Gifts

'We're calling him Noah...'

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

"The wedding cake as holy sacrament"

'Don't be silly- of course you're going into the family business!'

Early Piety

A couple dressed as a knife and fork

Baby Playing Violin

"Excuse me, Reverend, but what, exactly, do you have to do to get a drink around here?"

Two grooms/wedding guests raise a glass.

'It makes baptisms a lot more fun for everyone.'

"Call him Koffee- he keeps us awake!"

Baptism Then and Now

'I couldn't remember your exact age.'

'And you're sure you handed the baby to me?'

"Just one more round guys...then I've got to get back to the church!"

'They call it the people dance.'

TV Interactive panto - Remote control buttons: Oh yes it is - Oh no it isn't.

A baby being christened in a scuba mask.

"They have to clean her up before they show her to God."

"We bring him gifts of gold, frankincense and mercantile mutual hedge fund options."

"Happy Birthday - I saw this and thought of you."

Congratulations!

"Have you given any thought to legacy and sustainability?"

A woman stares at a birthday cake that has "4,000,000 calories" written on top of it in icing.

It took a while but Henk finally did lose his Christmas bum.

Free love

"Trick or treat?"

'Go forth and multiply!'

". . . and what is the user name of this child?"

"Sinead?!"

"Post-holiday dieting will be much easier this year. Our disposable cash flow will be diverted."

'Charles Frederick and Camilla Gladys!'

"Tis the season to be jolly!"