Wedding Celebrants Gifts

Just married - newlyweds drag a waterskier.

"He's taken buzzed to a whole new level."

'Sure beats your cupping your ear!'

A couple dressed as a knife and fork

'You've orbited the Earth in a NASA spacecraft! Wow! Me, I've jumped over the Moon...'

'...In functionality and in dysfunctionality....'

"Nobody told me it was a dress down wedding day!"

"Excuse me, Reverend, but what, exactly, do you have to do to get a drink around here?"

"You may now let me go try to get the sand out of my shoes and suit just in time for my next beach wedding."

"Are there any here today who feel this union is not in the best interests of baseball?"

Two grooms/wedding guests raise a glass.

'...till death, or a really huge argument over ringtones, do you part.'

You made me love you.

"We fear no more for today is our Independence Day!"

'Just three pieces of cake for 200 hundred guests?'

His and Hers Wedding

"Just one more round guys...then I've got to get back to the church!"

Men can show their emotions!

'They call it the people dance.'

Wedding Selfie

"...and if you both can successfully complete this CAPTCHA, we'll continue with the vows."

'Here comes our order.'

"Before I say, I do. Just let me run those vows past my best lawyer."

"Oh, just great, Dick. How are things going with you?"

'I'm the groom's broker and I'll be seating you before the ceremony begins. Technical analysts will be sitting on the left, and fundamental analysts will be on the right.'

"I'm not going to try and sugarcoat this..."

Congratulations!

"Boy am I in trouble! How was I supposed to know that what I was scratching is called a "Wedding Dress"? She's so mad right now!"

"You may now begin your insane experiment."

"Yes, I do need an answer right now."

Free love

When stars marry: 'Why did you ask him first? Does he have top billing?'

'And do you, Desiree, take plan B to be your lawfully wedded...'

'Are you serious? I thought 'For Better or for Worse' was just a comic strip.'

"Reverend John Ship performed the nuptials. Attorney Thomas Sims performed the prenuptials."