Wedding Attendee Gifts

"Are there any here today who feel this union is not in the best interests of baseball?"

'That's it then - I'll take the slinky high-heeled cocktail number in a 5 and the everyday workshoe in a 7...'

'Someone got me because I matched her purse, I've been to a rock concert, a night club and two weddings, Life as a designer dog is great but I'd trade caviar for kibble to get a good night's sleep,'

'Okay.. what the hell.'

'I always cry at weddings!'

'...In functionality and in dysfunctionality....'

Two grooms/wedding guests raise a glass.

"Nobody told me it was a dress down wedding day!"

'...till death, or a really huge argument over ringtones, do you part.'

His and Hers Wedding

'Just three pieces of cake for 200 hundred guests?'

Wedding Selfie

"Boy am I in trouble! How was I supposed to know that what I was scratching is called a "Wedding Dress"? She's so mad right now!"

"Before I say, I do. Just let me run those vows past my best lawyer."

"Dearly beloved, and others..."

'I'm the groom's broker and I'll be seating you before the ceremony begins. Technical analysts will be sitting on the left, and fundamental analysts will be on the right.'

"...and if you both can successfully complete this CAPTCHA, we'll continue with the vows."

'Hey! is that a good fit or not?'

'Are you serious? I thought 'For Better or for Worse' was just a comic strip.'

'My best friend threw her bouquet to me at her wedding, and I ATE it!'

"I now pronounce you man and wife. You may send the bride a kiss emoji."

'And do you, Desiree, take plan B to be your lawfully wedded...'

Atheist Convention: 'I don't believe it!'

"What's my collar size?"

"Ah, here it is - the Wedding Service app."

'I give it six months.'

Hats and Greetings

'We have an objection from Mrs. Weber...'

"The couple will now exchange vows they wrote themselves, because I guess mine weren't good enough, but, whatever, let's see what you've got."

'I think you're rocking the bold look, too!'

"They're both in telemarketing."

'Not quite the action shot we were going for!'

My baby don't mean maybe.

'I'm the bride's ex boyfriend. Before she says yes, can I just tell her that I've just won the lottery jackpot?!'