Event Attender Gifts

"Why do you have to come? Because I went to your Super Bowl, that's why."

Sloaney Pony.

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

'Yes! The momentum's going to shift now. Our home fan is starting to make some noise!'

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

"Well there's no way I'm going to say 'whom'!"

All dressed up and no place to go

"Are you looking to accentuate or camouflage?"

'They're being damn noisy in the hospitality box next door,'

"Great news, I've booked you two stag nights, a hen party and fourteen solemn thanksgiving services for members of the theatrical profession"

"Are there any here today who feel this union is not in the best interests of baseball?"

It was a good chance to get together and talk shop.

'He hasn't missed a turnout in ten years!'

I am your BIGGEST fan!

Nothing puts the flavor in a hot dog like a sports event.

"You've got to blurb me to her."

Atheist Convention: 'I don't believe it!'

'This sermon will run a little longer because it's a sermon about sermons that run a little long.'

'Marcy, Ted - so glad you could come! Let me direct you upstairs to the overflow room.'

"I know I was ecstatic to get tickets for Glastonbury - it's just that now I realise I have to go."

"Your party just totally blew us away."

Little guy using telescope to see past a big guy blocking his view in the crowd,

You think you're good, eh? Okay, you've got the lost and found windo at the Kleptomaniac's Convention.

'That one is a real bargain if you don't mind the chin strap.'

"I couldn't actually see the band but here's a photo of them on the person in front of me's phone."

"Any apologies for absence?"

Non-Jewish Events and Jewish Events

Upbeat conversation/downbeat conversation.

"I couldn't find the giant scissors."

Lost and found at a magician's convention

'This is Hargreaves - he's in charge of corporate hospitality.'

"Hold yer fire! It's just a t-shirt cannon!"

'I think I see why attendance has been down.'

'I hope it's a quick knockout, I'm double parked.'

Man leaves stretch limousine in a stretch wheelchair.