Event Participant Gifts

It was a good chance to get together and talk shop.

Sloaney Pony.

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

'Yes! The momentum's going to shift now. Our home fan is starting to make some noise!'

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

All dressed up and no place to go

'They're being damn noisy in the hospitality box next door,'

"Great news, I've booked you two stag nights, a hen party and fourteen solemn thanksgiving services for members of the theatrical profession"

Now I'll open up the floor to questions and batsh*t crazy rants.

'I'll try to keep my remarks brief.'

'He hasn't missed a turnout in ten years!'

I am your BIGGEST fan!

'Yes, that person there...'

Nothing puts the flavor in a hot dog like a sports event.

"You've got to blurb me to her."

"I know I was ecstatic to get tickets for Glastonbury - it's just that now I realise I have to go."

'Marcy, Ted - so glad you could come! Let me direct you upstairs to the overflow room.'

"How much longer are you going to be?"

Little guy using telescope to see past a big guy blocking his view in the crowd,

'Yo, Danny! The pitcher's complaining about the crowd noise. Turn it down!'

"Your party just totally blew us away."

Upbeat conversation/downbeat conversation.

Non-Jewish Events and Jewish Events

"...Apparently we're responsible for snow removal on that stretch of highway we adopted."

"Any apologies for absence?"

'No, thanks. I'm fine.'

Tortoise & Hare.

"I couldn't find the giant scissors."

'This is Hargreaves - he's in charge of corporate hospitality.'

"And now, let’s welcome our keynote speaker... I truly have no idea who this person is, that’s how good and ghosty they are."

'Ah, a stepping stone to success.'

"Hold yer fire! It's just a t-shirt cannon!"

Olympic Catering: 'A small coffee please.'

Man leaves stretch limousine in a stretch wheelchair.

'I hope it's a quick knockout, I'm double parked.'