Wedding Guests Gifts

Wedding Selfie

'It will be a big wedding, I invited all 2679 of my facebook friends,'

A bride and groom hold their guests up with the wedding cake knife.

'Just three pieces of cake for 200 hundred guests?'

Groom flees wedding

'I'm the bride's ex boyfriend. Before she says yes, can I just tell her that I've just won the lottery jackpot?!'

'Someone got me because I matched her purse, I've been to a rock concert, a night club and two weddings, Life as a designer dog is great but I'd trade caviar for kibble to get a good night's sleep,'

'That's it then - I'll take the slinky high-heeled cocktail number in a 5 and the everyday workshoe in a 7...'

'Okay.. what the hell.'

'I always cry at weddings!'

"Are there any here today who feel this union is not in the best interests of baseball?"

"Excuse me, Reverend, but what, exactly, do you have to do to get a drink around here?"

Two grooms/wedding guests raise a glass.

'Would you folks like sparkling water or tap water?'

"Just one more round guys...then I've got to get back to the church!"

"Boy am I in trouble! How was I supposed to know that what I was scratching is called a "Wedding Dress"? She's so mad right now!"

'I'm the groom's broker and I'll be seating you before the ceremony begins. Technical analysts will be sitting on the left, and fundamental analysts will be on the right.'

"Before I say, I do. Just let me run those vows past my best lawyer."

'My best friend threw her bouquet to me at her wedding, and I ATE it'

"This should be cozy. Just let me know if you need an extra sousaphone."

'Hey! is that a good fit or not?'

'My best friend threw her bouquet to me at her wedding, and I ATE it!'

'Oh, yes. We often have people around when my Wife cooks... Usually, the fire brigade.'

'And do you, Desiree, take plan B to be your lawfully wedded...'

"He's my escort, and he's a teddy bear."

'Brew?'

"What's my collar size?"

Wedding cake figures having marital problems.

Gay marriages in France.

"Has anybody seen the groom?"

'Not quite the action shot we were going for!'

Non-Jewish Events and Jewish Events

"Are you, Michael on the same page as Melissa?"

Wedding speech.

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'