Wedding Attendance Gifts

'Someone got me because I matched her purse, I've been to a rock concert, a night club and two weddings, Life as a designer dog is great but I'd trade caviar for kibble to get a good night's sleep,'

Sloaney Pony.

'That's it then - I'll take the slinky high-heeled cocktail number in a 5 and the everyday workshoe in a 7...'

'Okay.. what the hell.'

'I always cry at weddings!'

'Yes! The momentum's going to shift now. Our home fan is starting to make some noise!'

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

"Well there's no way I'm going to say 'whom'!"

"Are there any here today who feel this union is not in the best interests of baseball?"

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

'Just three pieces of cake for 200 hundred guests?'

Wedding Selfie

"How much longer, roughly, will you be introducing me as a 'disgruntled Republican'?"

I am your BIGGEST fan!

"Dearly beloved, and others..."

'He hasn't missed a turnout in ten years!'

'Hey! is that a good fit or not?'

"You've got to blurb me to her."

'My best friend threw her bouquet to me at her wedding, and I ATE it!'

"Bob, you've been warned before. You can't come to prayer just to gather gossip material."

"What's my collar size?"

"Behold! NOW is the accepted time to repent!"

"He's my escort, and he's a teddy bear."

Hats and Greetings

Vicar losing his place in the sermon.

'He was a shooting star, passing through the firmament. Lighting up our dull lives with his all too brief presence.' 'I think we're at the wrong funeral.'

'Sold! $287,500 to bidder #349!'

"Are you, Michael on the same page as Melissa?"

"It's not that we consider ourselves holier than others just because we choose to sit in the front row."

Non-Jewish Events and Jewish Events

"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him to fish and you will never see him in church on Sunday again."

Sign Stating 'Keep off the Grass! Thy Tresspasses will Not be Forgiven."

'When you pray, does God have call waiting?'

'I'm the bride's ex boyfriend. Before she says yes, can I just tell her that I've just won the lottery jackpot?!'