Chimney Cleaner Humorist Gifts

"You smell like a chimney."

AA Meeting Here Today

Things my vacuum likes to suck up

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

Fire door.

'No it's still not fixed'

'Uh oh, I measured the lumber in feet, but you measured it in metric.'

"Whoa - You're gonna need a whole new string!"

"How do you know it's my leaves clogging the shower drain?"

"I think these may be counterfeit bolts."

"We had to put three screws in his neck and a steel plate in his head."

'Don't worry about the dishes. I did them.'

'There's nothing romantic about not being able to mend a fuse at your age!'

We're with the gutter cleaning service ….

"Damned cyclists."

'How damp is this place? Let me put it this way: I use mold and mildew remover as a skin care product.'

'After this my bath water will never seem the same!'

Rudolph unblocking a chimney

'I baked it especially for you.'

Carpet cleaning

The ice maker is leaking. Nothing can be done about that now. It's water under the fridge. F and E Plumbing.

Nero's Fire Alarm

"I do not change the building codes every week. I do it every other week."

Penguin emerges from freezer. Man says: 'This freezer needs defrosting.'

'...Then I swept down the staircase, into the ballroom.'

'Could I see your ground disturbance permit?!'

Newton's Cradle Wrecking Balls

Hot Water from the bath.

'You talk about a clean dog!'

' I hope this adds a little enjoyment for you. '

'Mom, I said if you want to live in this neighbourhood, keep a weapon at your disposal.'

'The tassel? It's my mortar board.'

"So what? Germs are also invisible!"

'Yeah, I think we might need to call a plumber. It's overflowing again.'