Chimney Cleaner Humorist Pillows

"You smell like a chimney."

AA Meeting Here Today

Things my vacuum likes to suck up

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

Fire door.

'No it's still not fixed'

'Uh oh, I measured the lumber in feet, but you measured it in metric.'

"Whoa - You're gonna need a whole new string!"

"How do you know it's my leaves clogging the shower drain?"

"I think these may be counterfeit bolts."

"We had to put three screws in his neck and a steel plate in his head."

"Damned cyclists."

'There's nothing romantic about not being able to mend a fuse at your age!'

'Don't worry about the dishes. I did them.'

'How damp is this place? Let me put it this way: I use mold and mildew remover as a skin care product.'

'After this my bath water will never seem the same!'

'I baked it especially for you.'

Rudolph unblocking a chimney

Carpet cleaning

'...Then I swept down the staircase, into the ballroom.'

"I do not change the building codes every week. I do it every other week."

Penguin emerges from freezer. Man says: 'This freezer needs defrosting.'

Nero's Fire Alarm

'Could I see your ground disturbance permit?!'

Newton's Cradle Wrecking Balls

Hot Water from the bath.

'Mom, I said if you want to live in this neighbourhood, keep a weapon at your disposal.'

"So what? Germs are also invisible!"

Witch on broom followed by witch on hangglider dustpan

'You talk about a clean dog!'

'Yeah, I think we might need to call a plumber. It's overflowing again.'

"You have no idea what I've been through."

'The tassel? It's my mortar board.'