Cleaning Humorist Gifts

'How damp is this place? Let me put it this way: I use mold and mildew remover as a skin care product.'

Witch on broom followed by witch on hangglider dustpan

Witch Riding a Vacuum Cleaner.

'I'd also like the interior cleaned.' - 'Leave the windows open.'

"Is it just me or is there something wrong about an air freshener called, 'Fresh Air'?"

"Hey buddy - how's things? You're not acting up again are you?"

Then get under cover before you are struck by lightning.

Things my vacuum likes to suck up

"Ohhh...pick me pick me!!"

This is the last time I ask Peterson to dust for prints.

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

ABC Vice Company: Employees Must Squash Hands Before Returning to Work

A mosquito cleaning the surface of a person's arm before sucking out the blood.

Restaurant menu board: 'Day old - 2 day old - 3 day old'

"Go back! The place is full of mold!"

"Whoa - You're gonna need a whole new string!"

Buy Back the Junk We Bought at Your Garage Sale

Team medic spraying deodorant

"How do you know it's my leaves clogging the shower drain?"

'Hello, is that the employment agency? It's about the domestic you sent me.'

'I missed my roommate so I went out and got this spray called, 'Never Showers,' and now it's like she never left.'

'Good, lots of waxy buildup.'

"Whoever pulls it out becomes King of Britain, but Phil licked the handle, so..."

'Don't worry about the dishes. I did them.'

'If they don't want me drinking out of the toilet, what's this roll of napkins for?'

"One man's garbage is another man's best friend's treasure..."

'After this my bath water will never seem the same!'

"I love you, Ethan, bit I floss alone."

'What did you find in your soup?'

Employees must wash hands of all responsibility.

"I like making pastry... It gets your hands clean."

'Congratulations, Hightower. You now lead the league in untainted urine samples.'

"Don't drink that, it's hand santizer."

Bath tube with human feet.

Remember to wash your hands: "...but not compulsively."