Cleanliness Comedian Gifts

"How do you know it's my leaves clogging the shower drain?"

"I can skip my bath tonight. I put the windows down when Dad drove through the carwash."

'Did you clean out the bath tub after your bath?'

"When I told you to change your socks... I didn't mean from one foot to another!"

"Your shirt's on inside out."

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

"You have no idea what I've been through."

'Your jumper's on inside out. I know, I'm trying to keep it clean.'

'You talk about a clean dog!'

'Uh, Uh, Uh! Wipe your feet first.'

"I guess they're short-staffed."

Then get under cover before you are struck by lightning.

Things my vacuum likes to suck up

"Can I get this to go in an organic, locally recycled, eco-friendly doggie bag?"

A mosquito cleaning the surface of a person's arm before sucking out the blood.

ABC Vice Company: Employees Must Squash Hands Before Returning to Work

Restaurant menu board: 'Day old - 2 day old - 3 day old'

Team medic spraying deodorant

"Go back! The place is full of mold!"

'I missed my roommate so I went out and got this spray called, 'Never Showers,' and now it's like she never left.'

'Good, lots of waxy buildup.'

'I'd say that our transport policy couldn't get any greener'

'OK, here are the rules: We can't be seen by humans and can't leave droppings around, otherwise, they'll close the restaurant...'

'If they don't want me drinking out of the toilet, what's this roll of napkins for?'

'Don't worry about the dishes. I did them.'

"Whoever pulls it out becomes King of Britain, but Phil licked the handle, so..."

Paper Bath Towels.

'How damp is this place? Let me put it this way: I use mold and mildew remover as a skin care product.'

"I love you, Ethan, bit I floss alone."

'After this my bath water will never seem the same!'

'Congratulations, Hightower. You now lead the league in untainted urine samples.'

Remember to wash your hands: "...but not compulsively."

'It's a very common plant on earth.'

"I like making pastry... It gets your hands clean."

Laundry baskets labelled 'pajamas' and 'not pajamas'.