Cleanliness Comedians Gifts

"Stop using math to make me look bad."

'Your halo didn't slip. You've got ring around the collar.'

Striving to reduce our dependence on fossil fuels, scientists attempt to harness the energy of a toddler's tantrum.

Things my vacuum likes to suck up

"Can I get this to go in an organic, locally recycled, eco-friendly doggie bag?"

"Why can't you just learn to floss like other men?"

This is the last time I ask Peterson to dust for prints.

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

"Of course I care about the environment, I never throw any clothes away."

Climate Conference. I'm glad you enjoyed my speech, but please don't call it the "high-water mark."

"How do you know it's my leaves clogging the shower drain?"

'Good, lots of waxy buildup.'

'I'd say that our transport policy couldn't get any greener'

'OK, here are the rules: We can't be seen by humans and can't leave droppings around, otherwise, they'll close the restaurant...'

'Don't worry about the dishes. I did them.'

Paper Bath Towels.

'How damp is this place? Let me put it this way: I use mold and mildew remover as a skin care product.'

'After this my bath water will never seem the same!'

igloo smoking zone...

Now sanitize the lamp and yell your wishes.

"Hide? What do you mean hide? We are literally camouflage and they still eat us!"

'It's a very common plant on earth.'

Laundry baskets labelled 'pajamas' and 'not pajamas'.

'Congratulations, Hightower. You now lead the league in untainted urine samples.'

Carpet cleaning

'...Then I swept down the staircase, into the ballroom.'

"We think he picked it up at the kennel."

"But I can't help it if I smell 'Fishy'!"

Recycle your problems. Many of our neuroses, hang-ups and character defects can be re-used by others.

'How can anyone say our factory isn't green? Most of our waste is that colour!'

'Dinner's almost ready — go wash your knuckles.'

'You talk about a clean dog!'

"You have no idea what I've been through."

"So what? Germs are also invisible!"

Adventures in Flossing