Childbirth Philosopher Gifts

Stork and baby

Cry babies.

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

'I guess mother and baby are doing fine. She's already sending out selfies.'

"Trust me, you're not ready!"

'Well, well, well. It wasn't a 12 lb baby after all. It was a six pound one pumping iron.'

'I'm keeping a scrap book. All I've got so far is one umbilical cord.'

'I'm sorry I missed your recital. Daddy was on the phone with his broker, checking on bond yields. It's another form of bonding, son.'

"You're welcome."

"I'd better enjoy this while I can. It's the only home I'll own without a mortgage!"

Coronavirus Impact on Children

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

'Grandma, does the hospital charge by the pound when people have babies?'

'This is a fine time to leave! What if the doctor delivers the baby while you're out!'

"I don't know...sometimes I think I don't spend enough time with them. What kind of role model am I?"

"That is one absorbent nappy."

Baby Hairstyles.

"Since he was born today he won't begin daycare until tomorrow."

"It's hard being a grownup, too – did you know we have absolutely zero limits on treats?"

"Here's our little bundle of joy."

"On no, the baby's breach!!"

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

Maternity Ward

"Never Again." (bird sitting on a giant egg).

"What's an imagination? It was something kids used to enjoy before they invented video games."

"Why, Mr. Larsen! We were about ready to give up on you."

"Which one's yours?"

'Fellas, I have a bit of an emergency! My wife is in labor! Mind if we play through?'

"Which one is yours?"

"I wouldn’t say they’re user-friendly."

"Life is beautiful, and it's messy."

"I never had to choose between a baby and a career—I'm a surrogate mother."

"After the whole history of human evolution, you'd have thought a bigger birth canal would have developed!"

"I think it's time we learned to stand up for our selves."

"Underwater Childbirth Ward."