Childbirth Critiques Gifts

"We offer free delivery if you spend over $15,000."

Cry babies.

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

'I guess mother and baby are doing fine. She's already sending out selfies.'

'I'm keeping a scrap book. All I've got so far is one umbilical cord.'

'Well, well, well. It wasn't a 12 lb baby after all. It was a six pound one pumping iron.'

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

'Grandma, does the hospital charge by the pound when people have babies?'

"That is one absorbent nappy."

"This should send the midwife off in a frenzy."

Baby Hairstyles.

"On no, the baby's breach!!"

"Since he was born today he won't begin daycare until tomorrow."

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

"Here's our little bundle of joy."

"I said, was... it... a... difficult... birth?"

Maternity Ward

"Which one is yours?"

"Which one's yours?"

"Underwater Childbirth Ward."

Uterus: One size fits all.

"I think it's time we learned to stand up for our selves."

"I wouldn’t say they’re user-friendly."

"Congratulations! It's a pain in the ass."

"After the whole history of human evolution, you'd have thought a bigger birth canal would have developed!"

Open other end

"Why, Mr. Larsen! We were about ready to give up on you."

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

"Dear Mum. As contractions begin I thank you for letting me share your uterus. When do I get my bond money back??"

'Here's one I made earlier!'

'Don't look now - it's a ghost from our Christmas party past.'

'You can go home today, but we'd like to run a few more tests on your husband.'

"Have I managed to get rid of the dummy yet? No, he's still with me."

Maternity Hospital