Parenting Critic Gifts

"You ungrateful little beast! How dare you accuse me of being an overbearing stage mother! Go to your room and stay there!"

"Bye bye, sweetie. Daddy and I will pick you up when you're eighteen."

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

'Mum-I need a solicitor!'

"I need to talk to you about your parenting style."

'Son, you'll never be anything but a bum.'

That was the trouble with being raised by wolves, I was just so gosh darned yummy!

"It's not the kids I hate. It's the parents for having them."

"Trust me, you're not ready!"

Coronavirus Impact on Children

'I'm sorry I missed your recital. Daddy was on the phone with his broker, checking on bond yields. It's another form of bonding, son.'

"I don't know...sometimes I think I don't spend enough time with them. What kind of role model am I?"

"It's hard being a grownup, too – did you know we have absolutely zero limits on treats?"

"Never Again." (bird sitting on a giant egg).

"What's an imagination? It was something kids used to enjoy before they invented video games."

"I never had to choose between a baby and a career—I'm a surrogate mother."

"Life is beautiful, and it's messy."

'Before we begin, he's the one that's been helping me with my homework.'

The Mothership

"In the future, son, everyone will be an attorney for fifteen minutes."

New dunce caps

"You're getting a nanny. We decided to outsource our parenting"

A boy and his spin patrol.

"We like to think he's experimenting with color and form, but his art therapist suggested we're not giving him enough candy."

"I don't see how pulling out a piece of fruit from a pie necessarily validates Jack Horner's self-worth."

Children should be seen and not heard. We're decorative.

"Hey. Smells funny. Fix it. And bring me a beer."

"The economy doesn’t make me half as nervous as my kids do."

Mobile phone damage to children.

'No my husband wasn't there for the birth and I was only there 'cos I had to be!'

"Oh, it's just more white-male stuff."

Baby talk 101 - Whaaaaa! 'This is a good one. It means, 'Until my every need is met, your life will be hell'.'

"I'm sure he's a fine boy, but we prefer interviewing your son in person."

'Now there's a novel idea - babysitting your own children.'

"I used to be a stay-at-home dad. It was great until I had kids."