Parenting Critic Gifts

"You ungrateful little beast! How dare you accuse me of being an overbearing stage mother! Go to your room and stay there!"

"Bye bye, sweetie. Daddy and I will pick you up when you're eighteen."

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

'Mum-I need a solicitor!'

Today on Ask Sadie, I'll be addressing one single question: Why do so many people who have not business raising kids, have kids? Why on earth would you bring a child into this world if you're not going to take the time to teach it not to trample it's neighbor's begonias? You're just asking for the child to be glued to your front door by its pants. Tomorrow on Ask Sadie: I'll be addressing how to properly ignore a court summons.

"I need to talk to you about your parenting style."

'Son, you'll never be anything but a bum.'

That was the trouble with being raised by wolves, I was just so gosh darned yummy!

'Don't you think that kid's a little old to still be sucking on a bottle?'

"It's not the kids I hate. It's the parents for having them."

"Trust me, you're not ready!"

Coronavirus Impact on Children

'I'm sorry I missed your recital. Daddy was on the phone with his broker, checking on bond yields. It's another form of bonding, son.'

"I don't know...sometimes I think I don't spend enough time with them. What kind of role model am I?"

"It's hard being a grownup, too – did you know we have absolutely zero limits on treats?"

"Never Again." (bird sitting on a giant egg).

"What's an imagination? It was something kids used to enjoy before they invented video games."

"Life is beautiful, and it's messy."

"I never had to choose between a baby and a career—I'm a surrogate mother."

'Before we begin, he's the one that's been helping me with my homework.'

The Mothership

New dunce caps

"Yeah, he's very like his father isn't he?"

"You're getting a nanny. We decided to outsource our parenting"

A boy and his spin patrol.

"In the future, son, everyone will be an attorney for fifteen minutes."

"We encourage Theo to challenge clichés and mediocrity."

"We like to think he's experimenting with color and form, but his art therapist suggested we're not giving him enough candy."

Children should be seen and not heard. We're decorative.

"I don't see how pulling out a piece of fruit from a pie necessarily validates Jack Horner's self-worth."

"Oh, it's just more white-male stuff."

'No my husband wasn't there for the birth and I was only there 'cos I had to be!'

"Hey. Smells funny. Fix it. And bring me a beer."

"The economy doesn’t make me half as nervous as my kids do."

Mobile phone damage to children.