Parental Criticizers Gifts

"I know this sounds corny, Bob, but for me, the true measure of success is when I can look at the man in the mirror each day and still find a way to blame my parents for everything wrong in my life!"

Learn to Be a Critic In The Privacy Of Your Own Home With The Apex Correspondence School Of Criticism!

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

New dunce caps

"Sorry I'm late with my grades. I was busy removing the 'Honor Roll' bumper sticker from the car."

"We like to think he's experimenting with color and form, but his art therapist suggested we're not giving him enough candy."

'Wayne, your turn - Darren needs changing!'

"We can determine your child's gender, IQ and student debt load."

Mobile phone damage to children.

'Apparently the poor love's walkman is broken.'

"In regards to my son's education I am a firm believer in 'Laissez-Faire'."

'Congratulations. It's a latch key kid.'

Dad’s Homework Assignment

"Childbirth just isn't keeping pace with modern marketing. We still don't come with a manufacturing warranty.

"Pardon me, but I couldn’t help noticing how well-behaved your children are. May I ask which medications they’re on?"

The cost of bringing up children soars to more than £140,000.

'We're totally against smacking but not adverse to 'moderate punishment.''

"Parental advisory explicit content"

"Well, we’ve covered the weather, my prostate, your incontinence … I suppose our idiot children are up next?"

'No, I haven't heard that the FDA has taken broccoli off the market.'

'I don't think your dad likes me, Angie.'

"Apparently, my mom knew I'd be bringing my phone to the beach. She put a floatie on it."

"What is this? A note? Gracie must have dropped it..."

'I knew there was a reason mom was so anxious to buy me this toy!'

Mom's cafe

'And the coolest dad of the year award goes to... Dr. Armstrong for his note, 'to whom it may concern, my son is allergic to homework'.'

'I don't know what all the fuss is about, all my babies have been designer.'

'Kindergarten is supposed to be fun. You mustn't be doing it right.'

'Junior's been bullied ...'

"It's not the kids I hate. It's the parents for having them."

"This is Jeremy Kyle's Emergency Room. It's traumatic, it's revolting and it's acutely embarrassing. So I asked for a professional opinion. Unfortunately the results came back negative."

"We had our baby through the NHS. It took nine months so maybe we should have gone private."

"Dad won't let me play video games because they promote violence...so he's letting me play with his assault rifle collection!"