Parenting Critics Gifts

"Oh yeh, me and my daughter are really close."

"You know what they say, there's one born every minute!"

". . . but he's almost four and he hasn't been labelled yet!"

'Before we begin, he's the one that's been helping me with my homework.'

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

The Mothership

"You're getting a nanny. We decided to outsource our parenting"

New dunce caps

"Yeah, he's very like his father isn't he?"

"We encourage Theo to challenge clichés and mediocrity."

"We like to think he's experimenting with color and form, but his art therapist suggested we're not giving him enough candy."

Mobile phone damage to children.

"Hey. Smells funny. Fix it. And bring me a beer."

"The economy doesn’t make me half as nervous as my kids do."

"I'm sure he's a fine boy, but we prefer interviewing your son in person."

'It's time you knew, Son -- you were abandoned here as a child by aliens.'

"Seriously, the way you rasied me it's no wonder I can't get a gig in a real night club."

"I'v got this center-of-the-universe gig."

Children Demand Parental Term Limits.

'Apparently the poor love's walkman is broken.'

"Of course Daddy could explain what a superconducting supercollider is, sweetie, but just at the moment Daddy is watching 'America's Most Wanted.'"

"Being from another planet is worth thirty points towards your child's admission to Harvard."

Free Baby. Lily decides turnabout is fair play.

Modern Baby Mobiles

"In regards to my son's education I am a firm believer in 'Laissez-Faire'."

Child Development: 'He's developing just fine, those babies in the commercials aren't really talking.'

"Pardon me, but I couldn’t help noticing how well-behaved your children are. May I ask which medications they’re on?"

"Ask not for whom the baby cries; it cries for thee. Specifically, thee’s milk."

'How do you block the kids from objectionable internet content? I found a bookmark called,'DriveYourParentsInsane'.'

"Yes, but Mummy and Daddy are on legal drugs."

Time Out Room

"Parental advisory explicit content"

'Mommy!'

David Cameron Parenting Classes: 'After registering them for Eton the next most important thing is selecting the right nanny!'

"Men are like fast food - expensive, unhealthy and they make you fat."