Parenting Pundits Gifts

"We like to think he's experimenting with color and form, but his art therapist suggested we're not giving him enough candy."

'No, I haven't heard that the FDA has taken broccoli off the market.'

"Pardon me, but I couldn’t help noticing how well-behaved your children are. May I ask which medications they’re on?"

I don't mind being punished now and then --- What gets me is preventive detention!

"Can you just give it to me for free? My daughter's birthday is tomorrow and she will literally STARVE if we don't have it. You don't even have kids! What could you possibly need the money for? How heartless can you be? My daughter's birthday is ruined now. Either give it to me or sell it to someone else and give me what they paid you!! Oh and YOU drop it off. I live about 700 miles away."

'Junior's been bullied ...'

'I don't know what all the fuss is about, all my babies have been designer.'

'Kindergarten is supposed to be fun. You mustn't be doing it right.'

"Helicopter parents are a real problem. It starts with the baby monitor and mushrooms."

'The child is very illogical'

'Before we begin, he's the one that's been helping me with my homework.'

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

The Mothership

"Yeah, he's very like his father isn't he?"

"You're getting a nanny. We decided to outsource our parenting"

'If he hasn't got a name yet, how do we know he's ours?'

"We encourage Theo to challenge clichés and mediocrity."

'We've created a teenager!'

"According to this, everything we've done up to now is right."

"Hey. Smells funny. Fix it. And bring me a beer."

"I can hear some rattling: Better start writing those birth notices Darling..."

"I'll leave the door open and the hallway light on, but you're much too old to need an attorney in your room."

"The economy doesn’t make me half as nervous as my kids do."

"I'm sure he's a fine boy, but we prefer interviewing your son in person."

'It's time you knew, Son -- you were abandoned here as a child by aliens.'

"I'v got this center-of-the-universe gig."

Children Demand Parental Term Limits.

'... And, don't worry about his future. I'm sure my Son will give him a job, when they grow up.'

'Apparently the poor love's walkman is broken.'

Free Baby. Lily decides turnabout is fair play.

He's crying again. Should he see a therapist?

"In regards to my son's education I am a firm believer in 'Laissez-Faire'."

"Of course Daddy could explain what a superconducting supercollider is, sweetie, but just at the moment Daddy is watching 'America's Most Wanted.'"

"Seriously, the way you rasied me it's no wonder I can't get a gig in a real night club."

Child Development: 'He's developing just fine, those babies in the commercials aren't really talking.'