Childbirth Comedienne Gifts

Pelvis birth canal exit: Width restrictions apply.

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

"This should send the midwife off in a frenzy."

"Mother nature sure is confusing...she gives me a clothes line but no clothes!"

"Mum's biological clock is ticking away...OOPS!...my mistake. That's indigestion."

The Elephant in the Womb

Uterus: One size fits all.

Pregnant Woman - "I think it's coming gift-wrapped."

Oh, sorry, it's in airplane mode.""

"Mother and baby are doing well...Both are in a stable condition."

Congratulations! When are you due?

'Are we there yet?.. Are we there yet?.. Are we there yet?..'

'If you don't behave we'll unfreeze your stem cells!'

'When will I start to look 'radiant and blooming'?'

'I'm a loaf of bread.'

Womb for Kids

"Everyone's waiting to have babies, so I had to pick up a side gig."

Caution: False Contractions Ahead

"Yeah, those first few minutes...nothing but a lot of slap and tickle!"

"After 9 months floating here, instead of a birth certificate I should get a diver certification."

"Podca-a-a-a-a-a-ast!!!"

'My labor with Jenna was a snap...'

Dr. Mary G. Wells Obstetrician. Open Labor Days.

The future Muhammad Ali about to be conceived.

'Congratulations, it's a boy!'

"It's a birthing position, Dan. Quit yelling 'Hike.'"

'I've had so many caesareans, I've got a zip.'

'Two more months!...who's delivering this baby...the post office?'

'Are you sure it's not out of your way?'

Pregnant Juliets nurse using police code to threaten Romeo

"I'm your midwife... the others are just some people I've sold tickets to."

'Alright, I'll join you for dinner later and I'll bring wine: Red or White with this type of dung?'

"Vous avez pris rendez-vous?"