"No, you don't log onto it. You get on it."
Modern Childhood Critic Gifts
Looking for a gift for your favorite modern childhood critic? Our collection captures the lively, candid spirit of today’s kids with funny, playful designs that make a statement. Whether they’re witty little judges of the world or passionate about their latest discovery, these products add a touch of humor and personality to their everyday items. Give them a gift that respects their unique voice and celebrates their creative outlook—because every childhood critic deserves to be heard and celebrated.
"Nature speaks to me of God’s presence, yet God is a total stranger to the restless world of men." "Why the #!@* is there no signal?!"
"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."
"Why would I want to meet Santa? I can just go home and log onto his social media page from the comfort of my bed."
The prophet who changed water into diet grapefruit soda.
"That newspaper has been showing up ever since you started reading the news online. I think it feels betrayed."
"No, I don't play. I just watch people play on the internet."
"This is NOT what I meant when I said you kids could have more screen time."
"I'm used to falling asleep with the TV on. Read me an infomercial."
"Don't forget to rate us on stable-BnB."
"It's a mixed-use facility: retail space, low-rent housing, luxury apartments, and an area set aside for making steel."
"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."
Early Man Late Man
"Tarzan no want computer."
Daily Routine
"It's cute that yours has a Fire Island share, mine has the East Hampton Dream House."
"My parents call it a blanket hanging from my ceiling. I call it a giant privacy filter."
"I've got something in what used to be a decrepit, run-down, unfashionable area."
'I can remember when paranoia was unusual.'
Man calling Phone Privacy Centre
'Here, Santa. My wish list wouldn't fit on paper, so take this flash drive.'
"He added the computer, TV and cable box. Apparently, sand wasn't enough."
Clever youth stating that he considers Shakespeare overrated
"I'll take anything that connects to the internet."
'It's not gifts I want, but someone who listens.'
Medical Bracelet
"Kids today are so blasé. Her first word was 'meh' instead of mommy."
"I medicate first and ask questions later."
A beach has meters.
"Those aren't drones. Those are birds. You need to get out more."
"Have you noticed how blatant sex is everywhere in the culture but here?"
"Power! Power!"
'Real Sex is consensual non-cyber + includes conversation.'
"I forgot to call in dead."
Kingdom of Heaven- Exact Change Only
Modern Childhood Critic Gifts Collection
Modern Childhood Critic Mugs
Discover an array of mugs that celebrate the witty, playful spirit of the modern childhood critic. Perfect for brightening up their morning routine.
Modern Childhood Critic Pillows
Find cozy pillows featuring designs that celebrate the mischievous, witty side of the modern childhood critic. Ideal for their room or lounge areas.
Modern Childhood Critic Prints
Browse prints that capture the lively, outspoken personality of the modern childhood critic. Perfect for adding character to their favorite space.
Modern Childhood Critic T-Shirts
Explore our t-shirts that showcase the bold, humorous personality of the modern childhood critic. Great for everyday wear or making a statement.