Modern Childhood Commentator Gifts

"No, those aren't fancy cell towers. Those are trees. Not everything is tech-related."

Ten Plagues for Today's Seder

"Why would I want to meet Santa? I can just go home and log onto his social media page from the comfort of my bed."

"It keeps it out of sight when we're not watching it."

"No, I don't play. I just watch people play on the internet."

"I'm used to falling asleep with the TV on. Read me an infomercial."

"This is NOT what I meant when I said you kids could have more screen time."

"Show me a man who's optimistic about the human race..."

'If he hasn't got a name yet, how do we know he's ours?'

Man watches a cat enter a pet door to a "V.I.P. Lounge" in an airport

"My parents call it a blanket hanging from my ceiling. I call it a giant privacy filter."

"The doctor wants you to point to where it hurts."

Blues for now.

"No way! You're a telemarketer?! This is so great – hold on, I want to get comfortable ... how did you get my number?"

Our Troubled Chowders

"They put nipples on the mannequins so you'll look at the stupid sweaters. Duh!"

"I'm charging you with texting and driving."

"I'll leave the door open and the hallway light on, but you're much too old to need an attorney in your room."

"Is there someone have called Frobisher?"

'I was texting when my pop spilled on my laptop, which made me drop my iPod. So you see, officer, it wasn't my fault. Blame technology.'

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- it's hard to believe we're related.'

"Scan my own items, bag my own food? If I wanted to work here, I'd fill out an application!"

"I'll take anything that connects to the internet."

'Here, Santa. My wish list wouldn't fit on paper, so take this flash drive.'

"I'm pretty sure there's a Starbucks on the other side of that big rock."

"Meaning of life!!" "Meaning of 'Game of Thrones' series finale"

"It just doesn't crackle like the one on Netflix."

"He added the computer, TV and cable box. Apparently, sand wasn't enough."

'We're looking for a wifi hotspot.'

"The public's taste in entertainment has certainly changed."

"Well done, doctor. I've never seen a phone removed from a hand so skillfully before."

The cost of bringing up children soars to more than £140,000.

The number of couples separating keeps growing.

"Those aren't drones. Those are birds. You need to get out more."

'Everyone's depressed after income tax week, Cathy.'