Modern Childhood Commentator Gifts

"No, those aren't fancy cell towers. Those are trees. Not everything is tech-related."

Ten Plagues for Today's Seder

"Why would I want to meet Santa? I can just go home and log onto his social media page from the comfort of my bed."

"It keeps it out of sight when we're not watching it."

"No, I don't play. I just watch people play on the internet."

"I'm used to falling asleep with the TV on. Read me an infomercial."

'If he hasn't got a name yet, how do we know he's ours?'

Man watches a cat enter a pet door to a "V.I.P. Lounge" in an airport

"My parents call it a blanket hanging from my ceiling. I call it a giant privacy filter."

"I'll leave the door open and the hallway light on, but you're much too old to need an attorney in your room."

"Is there someone have called Frobisher?"

"They put nipples on the mannequins so you'll look at the stupid sweaters. Duh!"

Our Troubled Chowders

"No way! You're a telemarketer?! This is so great – hold on, I want to get comfortable ... how did you get my number?"

"The doctor wants you to point to where it hurts."

'I was texting when my pop spilled on my laptop, which made me drop my iPod. So you see, officer, it wasn't my fault. Blame technology.'

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- it's hard to believe we're related.'

"I'll take anything that connects to the internet."

'Here, Santa. My wish list wouldn't fit on paper, so take this flash drive.'

'We're looking for a wifi hotspot.'

"It just doesn't crackle like the one on Netflix."

"Meaning of life!!" "Meaning of 'Game of Thrones' series finale"

"I'm pretty sure there's a Starbucks on the other side of that big rock."

"Scan my own items, bag my own food? If I wanted to work here, I'd fill out an application!"

"He added the computer, TV and cable box. Apparently, sand wasn't enough."

"The public's taste in entertainment has certainly changed."

The cost of bringing up children soars to more than £140,000.

The number of couples separating keeps growing.

"Those aren't drones. Those are birds. You need to get out more."

'Everyone's depressed after income tax week, Cathy.'

"High school uniforms?! Can you imagine everyone wearing the same thing every day!"