Prenatal Philosophers Gifts

"I'd better enjoy this while I can. It's the only home I'll own without a mortgage!"

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

"Trust me, you're not ready!"

'I'm sorry I missed your recital. Daddy was on the phone with his broker, checking on bond yields. It's another form of bonding, son.'

"You're welcome."

Coronavirus Impact on Children

"I don't know...sometimes I think I don't spend enough time with them. What kind of role model am I?"

So … you do a lot of yoga?

"It's hard being a grownup, too – did you know we have absolutely zero limits on treats?"

"I hear you may do a baby."

"You got the dolls yesterday? My mom says I took nine months!"

"Never Again." (bird sitting on a giant egg).

"Mum's biological clock is ticking away...OOPS!...my mistake. That's indigestion."

"What's an imagination? It was something kids used to enjoy before they invented video games."

"I never had to choose between a baby and a career—I'm a surrogate mother."

"Life is beautiful, and it's messy."

"I think it's time we learned to stand up for our selves."

Uterus: One size fits all.

"In the future, son, everyone will be an attorney for fifteen minutes."

Lesbians for Christ

"We're planning on sending him away to be reared by experts."

Baby on Board

'I don't believe in pressuring my children. When the time is right, they'll arrive at the default choice and go to law school.'

'I've had some strange cravings during my pregnancy. Such as the one to strangle my husband.'

"I don't see how pulling out a piece of fruit from a pie necessarily validates Jack Horner's self-worth."

Children should be seen and not heard. We're decorative.

"And then it hit me—I'm sleeping with my mother."

How Moms explain.

Happy Mothers Day

'You know, it's amazing what having a child costs you when you add it all up.'

"No, dear, the baby didn't take a selfie. It's an ultrasound."

"Oh, it's just more white-male stuff."

'No my husband wasn't there for the birth and I was only there 'cos I had to be!'

You'll be a manicotti soon enough, son

Baby talk 101 - Whaaaaa! 'This is a good one. It means, 'Until my every need is met, your life will be hell'.'