Procreation Philosophers Gifts

Lesbians for Christ

"Trust me, you're not ready!"

'I'm sorry I missed your recital. Daddy was on the phone with his broker, checking on bond yields. It's another form of bonding, son.'

"I'd better enjoy this while I can. It's the only home I'll own without a mortgage!"

"You're welcome."

Coronavirus Impact on Children

"It's a beautiful world out there, just waiting to be discovered. Well, discovered by one of you, the rest will almost certainly die."

"I don't know...sometimes I think I don't spend enough time with them. What kind of role model am I?"

"It's hard being a grownup, too – did you know we have absolutely zero limits on treats?"

"Never Again." (bird sitting on a giant egg).

"And what qualifications do you bring to the table beyond being first in line?"

Is man a social animal? - 'As a married man, the short answer is no.'

"What's an imagination? It was something kids used to enjoy before they invented video games."

"I never had to choose between a baby and a career—I'm a surrogate mother."

"Life is beautiful, and it's messy."

"No, no - that's not the company sales, that's my marriage."

'We'll never understand these kids. It's the old evolution gap.'

"In the future, son, everyone will be an attorney for fifteen minutes."

"We're planning on sending him away to be reared by experts."

'I don't believe in pressuring my children. When the time is right, they'll arrive at the default choice and go to law school.'

"I don't see how pulling out a piece of fruit from a pie necessarily validates Jack Horner's self-worth."

Children should be seen and not heard. We're decorative.

"You don't have to say anthing, but anything you do say may later be used in court by a divorce lawyer."

How Moms explain.

'You know, it's amazing what having a child costs you when you add it all up.'

"Oh, it's just more white-male stuff."

'No my husband wasn't there for the birth and I was only there 'cos I had to be!'

Baby talk 101 - Whaaaaa! 'This is a good one. It means, 'Until my every need is met, your life will be hell'.'

"I'm not his mom anymore—now I'm his life coach."

Tom's last day.

"So, what are you doing for the rest of your life?..."

"Sergio, you are the best father in the world. Except, you know, when you're not."

'Sweet dreams buddy!'

"I used to be a stay-at-home dad. It was great until I had kids."

'According to my Dad, bosses are just like headmasters. The only difference is that they give you money every month.'