Prenatal Philosophers Pillows

"I'd better enjoy this while I can. It's the only home I'll own without a mortgage!"

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

"Trust me, you're not ready!"

'I'm sorry I missed your recital. Daddy was on the phone with his broker, checking on bond yields. It's another form of bonding, son.'

Coronavirus Impact on Children

"You're welcome."

"I don't know...sometimes I think I don't spend enough time with them. What kind of role model am I?"

"You got the dolls yesterday? My mom says I took nine months!"

"It's hard being a grownup, too – did you know we have absolutely zero limits on treats?"

"I hear you may do a baby."

"Never Again." (bird sitting on a giant egg).

"What's an imagination? It was something kids used to enjoy before they invented video games."

"Mum's biological clock is ticking away...OOPS!...my mistake. That's indigestion."

"I never had to choose between a baby and a career—I'm a surrogate mother."

"I think it's time we learned to stand up for our selves."

"Life is beautiful, and it's messy."

Uterus: One size fits all.

Lesbians for Christ

"We're planning on sending him away to be reared by experts."

"In the future, son, everyone will be an attorney for fifteen minutes."

Baby on Board

'I don't believe in pressuring my children. When the time is right, they'll arrive at the default choice and go to law school.'

'I've had some strange cravings during my pregnancy. Such as the one to strangle my husband.'

"I don't see how pulling out a piece of fruit from a pie necessarily validates Jack Horner's self-worth."

Children should be seen and not heard. We're decorative.

Happy Mothers Day

"No, dear, the baby didn't take a selfie. It's an ultrasound."

"And then it hit me—I'm sleeping with my mother."

"Oh, it's just more white-male stuff."

How Moms explain.

'No my husband wasn't there for the birth and I was only there 'cos I had to be!'

'You know, it's amazing what having a child costs you when you add it all up.'

Baby talk 101 - Whaaaaa! 'This is a good one. It means, 'Until my every need is met, your life will be hell'.'

"So far mum's put on 10 kilos. I guess that's the best passenger safety airbag I'll ever get."