Pregnancy Pundit Pillows

"So far mum's put on 10 kilos. I guess that's the best passenger safety airbag I'll ever get."

"We don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl, as long as it’s not annoying."

Pregnant woman going to 'Accident Claims'.

'In the owners manual it's listed as Foetal muzak. I call it gurgling intestines!!'

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

"I'd better enjoy this while I can. It's the only home I'll own without a mortgage!"

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

"I hear you may do a baby."

"You got the dolls yesterday? My mom says I took nine months!"

Maternity Ward

"Mum's biological clock is ticking away...OOPS!...my mistake. That's indigestion."

"Don't be so dramatic. You tell me you're pregnant every day?"

'Trust me, the term 'blissfully pregnant' is an oxymoron.'

'Yes, the baby should arrive soon: Her nesting instinct is in overdrive!'

Uterus: One size fits all.

'Before we begin, he's the one that's been helping me with my homework.'

'We're hoping to sell the naming rights.'

'You want Chinese food? Are you going to have a baby or something?'

Baby on Board

'We've created a teenager!'

'Are we there yet?.. Are we there yet?.. Are we there yet?..'

Welcome to the uterus. Please be seated. Your mother will be with you in nine months.

'I've had some strange cravings during my pregnancy. Such as the one to strangle my husband.'

"Nine months in here?? I trust I can get out in seven months with good behaviour!"

'When will I start to look 'radiant and blooming'?'

'This is boring. This uterus could sure do with a fast forward button.'

"The economy doesn’t make me half as nervous as my kids do."

Happy Mothers Day

"No, dear, the baby didn't take a selfie. It's an ultrasound."

"I'm sure he's a fine boy, but we prefer interviewing your son in person."

'What a coincidence....that's my mum's name to!'

'How far along are you?'

"I'v got this center-of-the-universe gig."