Pregnancy Truth-teller Pillows

'Trust me, the term 'blissfully pregnant' is an oxymoron.'

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

'At this rate I'll end up with more heirs than hairs!'

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

"Don't be so dramatic. You tell me you're pregnant every day?"

"Congratulations, Mr and Mrs Starmer. It's a tool!"

'Yes, the baby should arrive soon: Her nesting instinct is in overdrive!'

'We're hoping to sell the naming rights.'

'You want Chinese food? Are you going to have a baby or something?'

'Are we there yet?.. Are we there yet?.. Are we there yet?..'

Welcome to the uterus. Please be seated. Your mother will be with you in nine months.

"Nine months in here?? I trust I can get out in seven months with good behaviour!"

'When will I start to look 'radiant and blooming'?'

'This is boring. This uterus could sure do with a fast forward button.'

"Six down, three to go!!"

"I'm sorry, but we're not an online retailer. We can't guarantee delivery in 2 days."

"So far mum's put on 10 kilos. I guess that's the best passenger safety airbag I'll ever get."

'A work in Progress.'

"At which trimester will I be able to communicate with my baby via text?"

Caution: False Contractions Ahead

"After 9 months floating here, instead of a birth certificate I should get a diver certification."

'That's the most extreme linear nigra I've ever seen!!'

Maternity Wing Sign: Please Wait To Push

'In the owners manual it's listed as Foetal muzak. I call it gurgling intestines!!'

Pregnant woman going to 'Accident Claims'.

"We don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl, as long as it’s not annoying."

The Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Could I examine your cervix?'

The Last Few Weeks of Pregnancy.

The baby's really been moving round today.

'Looks like Tungor's wife's waters have broken.'

'Houdini's mother had an odd and difficult pregnancy.' 'Oh no. He's gone again!'

"It's a birthing position, Dan. Quit yelling 'Hike.'"

'You're pregnant?'

101 Placenta Recipes