Pregnancy Truth-teller Gifts

'Trust me, the term 'blissfully pregnant' is an oxymoron.'

'At this rate I'll end up with more heirs than hairs!'

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

"Don't be so dramatic. You tell me you're pregnant every day?"

'Yes, the baby should arrive soon: Her nesting instinct is in overdrive!'

"Congratulations, Mr and Mrs Starmer. It's a tool!"

'You want Chinese food? Are you going to have a baby or something?'

'We're hoping to sell the naming rights.'

'Are we there yet?.. Are we there yet?.. Are we there yet?..'

Welcome to the uterus. Please be seated. Your mother will be with you in nine months.

"Nine months in here?? I trust I can get out in seven months with good behaviour!"

'When will I start to look 'radiant and blooming'?'

'This is boring. This uterus could sure do with a fast forward button.'

"Six down, three to go!!"

"So far mum's put on 10 kilos. I guess that's the best passenger safety airbag I'll ever get."

"I'm sorry, but we're not an online retailer. We can't guarantee delivery in 2 days."

'A work in Progress.'

"At which trimester will I be able to communicate with my baby via text?"

Caution: False Contractions Ahead

Maternity Wing Sign: Please Wait To Push

"We don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl, as long as it’s not annoying."

"After 9 months floating here, instead of a birth certificate I should get a diver certification."

'In the owners manual it's listed as Foetal muzak. I call it gurgling intestines!!'

Pregnant woman going to 'Accident Claims'.

'That's the most extreme linear nigra I've ever seen!!'

The Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Could I examine your cervix?'

The Last Few Weeks of Pregnancy.

'Looks like Tungor's wife's waters have broken.'

'Houdini's mother had an odd and difficult pregnancy.' 'Oh no. He's gone again!'

"It's a birthing position, Dan. Quit yelling 'Hike.'"

101 Placenta Recipes