Parenthood Philosopher Pillows

"Help! I've fallen and my son is a disappointment!"

'Fine thanks I get for giving you the best years of my life!'

"Is it too late to get a puppy?"

"I came back because our manager needed more attention than my two-year-old."

'You know, it's amazing what having a child costs you when you add it all up.'

'Mom, I now know the biological reason we're pregnant for 9 months. It takes at least that long to get used to the idea of being a parent.'

"If being normal is so natural.....why is it such a strain?"

Baby Teething Problems.

'It's hard to believe we may have to bail him out of jail someday.'

"How hard can it be to emancipate from your children?"

How a Mothers Knows her child.

"Then again, you can't be too agreeable. Mom will think you're up to something."

How Moms explain.

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

'He has your nose and my ears.'

Low-Energy Drinks

"Trust me, you're not ready!"

"Pay more attention to me? I'm sorry, dear, but Mommy needs you to be more specific."

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

"Remember now, anything is DIY-abe if you just do it yourself."

"You're welcome."

'I'm sorry I missed your recital. Daddy was on the phone with his broker, checking on bond yields. It's another form of bonding, son.'

'Bad luck duck - he's on your side of the bed.'

"Maybe we should have just had a baby..."

Coronavirus Impact on Children

'You'll never believe the day I've had...'

Baby Screen Time

'This is a fine time to leave! What if the doctor delivers the baby while you're out!'

"It's a boy, but that's a common one so don't get too excited."

"Sorry, that was just the wet diaper talking."

"Were we expecting a baby?"

Growth Charts

"We have the exact same taste."

"I don't know...sometimes I think I don't spend enough time with them. What kind of role model am I?"

'We found you in a cabbage!'