Child Tamer Pillows

'I managed to raise six children and fourteen house plants. How is that for management experience?'

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

The Baby Walker

Catching Jeffrey To Change His Diaper.

A midwife holding a baby

I was holding out okay, until he made it into crumb cake.

'If he grabs the broccoli, we turn on the Raffi tunes. If he heads towards the Playstation, he hit him with the air horn at 100db.'

"He's not talking yet, but sometimes we give him peanut butter to make it look like he is."

Dear Santa, please can I have a powerful herbicide for Christmas. Best wishes, Adam.

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

"My kid's a holy terror... no offense."

Coping with a strong-willed child

Secretive Weigh In.

To do before Saturday...

'He works out aggression by bayoneting the leaves.'

Janey then realized that babysitting isn't easy...

'No, that wasn't your mother calling to ask if you were okay. That was your mother calling to ask if I was okay.'

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Horsekeeping - No. IX

Mum and the Sleepless Baby

"I lost 20lbs on my diet. I guess it's time for a relapse."

Toys in the DVD Player.

"We'd love to come, but we can't seem to find a sitter."

Crying baby

Parenting Business Deals

"Miss Jones! Clear my schedule until I get this sorted out!"

Parent is going to elaborate lengths to get the baby to eat.

'None of the other things had instructions.'

"Tell the truth, Ezra. Does it look like he's being a more effective parent than me?"

'He left for the office in a bit of a temper!'

"Would you buy the apple pie for me? I'm on the 'No You Don't!' Diet."

Happy Tots Day Care.

Believe it or not, I'm sitting her watching the fights. Harry versus the crabgrass, the moles, the insects...

'I changed my mind...I'm not thirsty anymore.'

Getting Rid of the Cure

"Good luck Mr. Bond, you have one minute to diffuse this tantrum."