Cat Tamer Pillows

"I don't care what the job pays. . . I'm never herding cats again!"

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

'That's not speaking, that's barking Try again'

'I think we'd be more confident about meeting our targets if we could work out what they were!'

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet. . . where the hell am I??"

Litter Tray Training

"I don't care how good he is. Ain't nobody can get a short on Jeffrey."

'No, that wasn't your mother calling to ask if you were okay. That was your mother calling to ask if I was okay.'

A Clown pretends to put his head in the mouth of a TV lion.

Need an elevated state of mind too!

'Do you have any books on controlling little monsters?'

Parenting Business Deals

Lion Tamers School - Lion licking his lips examiner marking a fail

"Miss Jones! Clear my schedule until I get this sorted out!"

'Before we start, would everyone please put your cell phone in the middle of the table?'

"I find that my strongest passwords are those created when the cat walks across the keyboard."

Dentist Training School.

'They've been in there all day writing the job description.'

"Slide, Howie!!! Slide!"

Education Guidance

"I wish he'd slow the hell down." "I wish he'd hurry the hell up."

'The health and safety officer isn't happy. He want's you to tie your shoelaces.'

'Mr Godzilla - you need anger management!'

'When I said you'd have to jump through hoops, I meant you'll have to literally jump through hoops.'

'He's a control freak but the treats are good.'

'Nah, the circus ain't what it used to be. It's got all fancy and hard since Circ de Something started.'

'What's your tolerance for risk?'

'This is the part I hate most - he's got terrible bad breath !'

'Where did we go wrong?'

Circus Act

'Oh my, have you seen the size of the new tamer's head? I can't fit that in my mouth...'

"Our driverless smart car texted me saying it went to get an oil change because I was too lazy to do it. Is there a way to disable its rudeness?"

"You goo-goo, you gaa-gaa. But when push comes to shove, you whaa-whaa."

Matador.