Cat Tamer Gifts

"I don't care what the job pays. . . I'm never herding cats again!"

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

'I think we'd be more confident about meeting our targets if we could work out what they were!'

'That's not speaking, that's barking Try again'

Litter Tray Training

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet. . . where the hell am I??"

"I don't care how good he is. Ain't nobody can get a short on Jeffrey."

'No, that wasn't your mother calling to ask if you were okay. That was your mother calling to ask if I was okay.'

'Do you have any books on controlling little monsters?'

(No caption. Signs on file cabinets drawers read, "Files Saved to Hard Drive," "Files Saved to Disk," "Files Saved to Traveldrive," "Trash.")

A Clown pretends to put his head in the mouth of a TV lion.

Need an elevated state of mind too!

Parenting Business Deals

"Miss Jones! Clear my schedule until I get this sorted out!"

Lion Tamers School - Lion licking his lips examiner marking a fail

'Before we start, would everyone please put your cell phone in the middle of the table?'

"I find that my strongest passwords are those created when the cat walks across the keyboard."

'They've been in there all day writing the job description.'

"I wish he'd slow the hell down." "I wish he'd hurry the hell up."

"Slide, Howie!!! Slide!"

Dentist Training School.

Education Guidance

'The health and safety officer isn't happy. He want's you to tie your shoelaces.'

'Mr Godzilla - you need anger management!'

'When I said you'd have to jump through hoops, I meant you'll have to literally jump through hoops.'

'Nah, the circus ain't what it used to be. It's got all fancy and hard since Circ de Something started.'

'He's a control freak but the treats are good.'

'What's your tolerance for risk?'

'This is the part I hate most - he's got terrible bad breath !'

'Where did we go wrong?'

'That's right kids: I jumped through rings of fire when I was with the Circus!'

'Oh my, have you seen the size of the new tamer's head? I can't fit that in my mouth...'

"And for your entree, sir?"

'Is that you, dear?'

'I ate three cloves of garlic before the show: Check the Tamer's expression when he puts his head in my mouth...'