Animal Tamer Gifts

Education Guidance

Dear Santa, please can I have a powerful herbicide for Christmas. Best wishes, Adam.

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

He acts all cool and feral until the can of food comes out. Jingle jingle jingle.

Litter Tray Training

"I don't care how good he is. Ain't nobody can get a short on Jeffrey."

'No, that wasn't your mother calling to ask if you were okay. That was your mother calling to ask if I was okay.'

A Clown pretends to put his head in the mouth of a TV lion.

'Do you have any books on controlling little monsters?'

Parenting Business Deals

"Miss Jones! Clear my schedule until I get this sorted out!"

Lion Tamers School - Lion licking his lips examiner marking a fail

"I wish he'd slow the hell down." "I wish he'd hurry the hell up."

Getting Rid of the Cure

"Slide, Howie!!! Slide!"

Believe it or not, I'm sitting her watching the fights. Harry versus the crabgrass, the moles, the insects...

"She does this when she's tired."

'The health and safety officer isn't happy. He want's you to tie your shoelaces.'

'Mr Godzilla - you need anger management!'

Stockmarket investor's trays 'Up' and 'Down'.

'When I said you'd have to jump through hoops, I meant you'll have to literally jump through hoops.'

"So...what are you in for?"

'Nah, the circus ain't what it used to be. It's got all fancy and hard since Circ de Something started.'

'He's a control freak but the treats are good.'

'What's your tolerance for risk?'

'This is the part I hate most - he's got terrible bad breath !'

'Where did we go wrong?'

'Oh my, have you seen the size of the new tamer's head? I can't fit that in my mouth...'

'Now, you'd better pick up your toys or no bath!'

'It's an emergency! The sitter wants to know where Marmaduke's doggie treats are!'

"You'll have one bite of everything!"

"You goo-goo, you gaa-gaa. But when push comes to shove, you whaa-whaa."

"And for your entree, sir?"

'That's right kids: I jumped through rings of fire when I was with the Circus!'

'I ate three cloves of garlic before the show: Check the Tamer's expression when he puts his head in my mouth...'