Animal Taming Gifts

"That's Big Har Morran. He can tame any wild hare west of Pecos."

A sheep dog has stacked the sheep four high - 'He used to be with the circus before he came to the farm...!'

'Bert's dog training.'

Dear Santa, please can I have a powerful herbicide for Christmas. Best wishes, Adam.

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

He acts all cool and feral until the can of food comes out. Jingle jingle jingle.

'Stop cracking and hulling his seeds. He's accustomed to working for his food.'

Agility God

"I don't care how good he is. Ain't nobody can get a short on Jeffrey."

'Polly wants a cracker! Fetch!'

'Of course he can do tricks...it's just he's got a bad memory.'

'Rabbits make great pets, but it's best to have them one at a time.'

"What other tricks does he need?"

Walking the dog - 'surprise'!

Dog Training Academy and the Cat Anarchy Club.

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

'Well, they're just great for running down gazelles and jackals!'

'Hey Winston, this is my dad. He's obsessed with sitting.'

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

Street Organ - Monkey

Dogs are smart enough to understand human commands. Cats are smart enough to ignore them.

'No, first start the engine, then bark!'

"The kid's good."

'I can see the practical side of fetching, but what's the point of rolling over?'

'He's never going to graduate. How about giving him an honorary degree instead?'

"Service."

"The first thing we have to do is get you up there."

Education Guidance

Getting Rid of the Cure

Believe it or not, I'm sitting her watching the fights. Harry versus the crabgrass, the moles, the insects...

'...and notice how they like playing with string.'

"She does this when she's tired."

"We're giving you our complete cooperation. There's no need to bark at us!"

Luck is when good classroom management skills meets a day when distruptice students are absent.

'When I said you'd have to jump through hoops, I meant you'll have to literally jump through hoops.'