Chic And Cheeky Pillows

How very Hampstead!

"Oh, I like coming to the dentists. It's the only place where people actually ask me to spit!"

"Mom, no raking for me this fall! Got any more leaf bags?"

'I don't think my homework is very good. My dog refused to eat it.'

'Don't write on that wall with crayons! It'll show up better on that wall over there.'

"Blame the scientists who are teaching me sign-language Mum: It's not my fault if it's easier to learn the rude signs..."

Child praying - asks god to bless his family and the new motorbike he's bought with his father's credit card.

Man visits palm reader with 'Doing Anything Tonight?' written on his hands.

Sticking out tongue

'Oxygen with that swimsuit ma'am?'

'The arrows were more practical,,,,but I found these have a higher success rate,'

'Big Issue!'

Thong World.

Rosie Cheeks

"Your dump or mine..?"

Having noticed a hot-looking security woman, Mort quickly penned a note and stuck it in his briefcase.

Hot pink (and purple) monkey love!

Footballer scores for the first time and wears T-Shirt reading: 'No longer a virgin.'

'I promised my Dad I'd be home by ten but I didn't say if that was P.M. or A.M..'

'Hello Darling, I am on the bed with the window cleaner.'

"So, where's the fire? And brimstone?"

'Rudolph! Now I know the secret of your bright and shiny nose!'

'Look what I found, Dad - Can I keep her?'

"For last meal, I'm thinking unlimited breadsticks, endless shrimp and bottomless coffee."

Before the smart phone there was the smart mouth.

'Just think of it as graphic design, Mom.'

"Hey! Are you staring at my assets?!"

Classic SM.

'Sorry, I'm not available. Please leave a message and I'll get back to you.'

"He's offered to show me the breast stroke - tonight in his water bed!"

Clean Fill Wanted

"By breaking the seal on this dress, you accept the terms and conditions printed on my panties."

'Have you a moment sir?...A: Yes; B: No; or C: Naff off?'

'There's always one.'

"You can be a right stirrer sometimes!"