Cheeky Partner Gifts

I gave up smoking to annoy the wife by living longer.

"Yes Mildred, I'm washing the dishes now."

'Your shoe's untied.'

''C-minus'? ??" Do you know how long it took me to find and download this term paper?'

'Jenkins, about these coffee breaks of yours...'

"Giant Sequoias'- with apologies to the Encyclopedia Britannica."

Gopher underground hit by golf tee.

"All right, what's it going to take to make this homework go away?"

'You're so nice and friendly that I've got nothing to moan about. That's a bit of cheek!'

"Blame the scientists who are teaching me sign-language Mum: It's not my fault if it's easier to learn the rude signs..."

Sticking out tongue

'The arrows were more practical,,,,but I found these have a higher success rate,'

"Since I'm your favorite student, do I even have to take this test?"

'He's using a cheat sheet, ump! Can he do that?'

'Rudolph! Now I know the secret of your bright and shiny nose!'

Before the smart phone there was the smart mouth.

'I can't come to work today. I'm in bed with a nasty, little bug.'

''C-minus'? †Do you know how long it took me to find and download this term paper?'

"Hey! Are you staring at my assets?!"

'Do I have anything to say before you pass sentence? Yes, but you go first. My remarks depend on what the sentence is.'

'I'm not a wine snob. You're a wine ignoramus.'

"When it comes to hide and seek I think this might be cheating."

"For last meal, I'm thinking unlimited breadsticks, endless shrimp and bottomless coffee."

"So is that enough 'putting out' for you?"

'Can I hand up my essay on Friday Miss. My ghostwriter is unwell at present.'

'What do you mean there's no specific rule that forbids a center fielder from doing that?'

Classic SM.

Athletes doing hurdles, short athlete has vaulting pole.

"I always put my assignments at the bottom of the pile, so by the time she gets to it, she'll be too tired to catch all the mistakes."

'Sorry, I'm not available. Please leave a message and I'll get back to you.'

'The lads are hoping you'll get time off for good behaviour - say next Tuesday fortnight at the Red Lion....'

"He's offered to show me the breast stroke - tonight in his water bed!"

'There's always one.'

'We save a fortune each year by running our children through a tax haven.'

'Well, there's plague in town, everyone will believe you if you pull a sickie...'