Cheeky Bettor Gifts

'I know we lost 5-0. I'm happy because I bet £100 on the other side to win!'

'Your shoe's untied.'

As long as there are husbands, we'll get our's money's worth!

"We've invented a new word!"

'What's the best kind of glue to fix a TV screen?'

This year Mike decides to make his own Valentine's cards.

'Jenkins, about these coffee breaks of yours...'

Gopher underground hit by golf tee.

"I'll trade you my cupcake for your head lice."

Post Game Day Betting.

'Now that should make it a lot easier.'

"The usual? Or will you be having our 'stimulus package'?"

'The arrows were more practical,,,,but I found these have a higher success rate,'

"Have you ever licked cream off a woman's body?"

Justice for a heckler.

Poking gentle fun at the company in the blog wasn't meant to include saying that the chief exec had a face like a baboons bottom.

'Ere Bert, what do I do with a lady who wants an each way bet on the boat race?'

'The only thing I don't like about playing solitaire on the computer is you can't peek under the cards.'

'He's using a cheat sheet, ump! Can he do that?'

Recession tips & taxes

"When it comes to hide and seek I think this might be cheating."

5,- euro and I'll show you how to hustle 5,- Euro from a doofus!!"

Easter Island

'I can't come to work today. I'm in bed with a nasty, little bug.'

(anteater sticking its tongue at passers-by)

'You're right, there's nothing in the rules against it.'

Football Fantasies

"He's offered to show me the breast stroke - tonight in his water bed!"

'I thought I'd copy my C.V. while the boss is out of the office!'

'I'll take Tommy Peters to cry first, for a nickel.'

"We lost Mr. Speak No Evil when he became a blogger."

'My first day? I got to meet with the principal one on one.'

'Well, there's plague in town, everyone will believe you if you pull a sickie...'

"I'm using a fake background, no one knows I'm the litter box."