Mundane Bettor Gifts

Post Game Day Betting.

'Fancy us all being afraid of wasps when there's a WHOLE nest of 'em in my drinks cabinet!'

Gary Basks in the glow of a fifteen-minute window with no empty cardboard boxes in the house.

A businessman waits for an elevator; on his briefcase are two stickers reading "Up" and "Down".

"You have arrived at your destination."

"I'll trade you my cupcake for your head lice."

Wadder

I'm going to say my prayers. Should I play the same lotto numbers?

Man sees sign on betting shop door listing odds on when the proprietor will come back from lunch.

'The light stays on after I shut the door.'

"Recycling has become the high point of my week."

"Let's face it, you could back the wrong horse in a one-horse race!"

-I once dreamed about carrots and peas,and then bet on two horses the next day called carrots and peas. Guess who won? -Who? -An outsider called mixed vegetables.

'This is security. Looks like we have an escape from cubicle 36.'

'I'll take Tommy Peters to cry first, for a nickel.'

"On Monday, they will introduce a new office layout and you'll be near Judy, who isn't good at sharing her charger. Then you'll finish up a report on whether your client's edgy new marketing tactics have been resonating with the 18-34 demographic. The results will be inconclusive and your boss will say, 'Jared, there'll always be another Instagram-based influence strategy to review,' but she also takes a while to approve your annual leave request and you will suspect that the two are related."

Please stand by...for view.

'I know we lost 5-0. I'm happy because I bet £100 on the other side to win!'

'We may have done better if the jockey had carried the horse round!'

"If anyone calls, marge, I'm sitting right by the phone."

'I don't want to fight the evil Emperor of the Galaxy! †I want to do my taxes!'

"I gotta pack of M&Ms on the orange mare."

"It says here you once ordered take-out for twenty-seven nights in a row. What kind of person does that?"

Paramutual friends.

Oh no! Socks again?!

'You seem certain he'll win the second race. Yes, because he's in the first race.'