Mundane Master Gifts

'I don't want to fight the evil Emperor of the Galaxy! †I want to do my taxes!'

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

'I can't get out! -- I lost the owner's manual!'

Charles Addams.

Implement operation 'KILL ALL PLUMBERS'!

Edgar Allan Poe

Post Game Day Betting.

'To find out how to start your new mobile, please read the manual. T' read the manual, please start your mobile.

My friend here is being FAR too modest! He's not just ANY bartender! Karl's the guy who invented the Fuzzy Navel!'

Wadder

'Done! We're now on Santa's 'nice' list.'

Eager to pull a prank on his chiropractor, Dennis taped a bag of potato chips to the small of his back.

"The instructions state that some anger, frustration and confusion is expected."

"Hey Neil, I've got an idea - let's really freak everyone out and tell them you're quitting physics to become my new co-Pope."

"Have you tried turning it off and on again?"

"I tried that new detangling shampoo."

A man with a look alike lion's mane hair style.

"I'm so sorry darling: the shop was out of anti-dandruff shampoo..."

"I don't think he can touch your in-the-dirt ball."

'My Death Story....chapter one...'

'Listen,kid, you're going to have to lower your standards if you ever want to throw the sleazeball.'

'The light stays on after I shut the door.'

Mortified that her hospital gown did not close all the way in the back...

Career coaching at a yoga studio

Eye Doctors. Sport Psychologists. Reception. Which focus group are you here for today?

'In and out! In and out! Get it right ponies because in the real event you also have a human to look after!'

"Finding $20 while on bathroom clean-up duty."

'Good. Now slide the 'O' ring over the hubble's sleeve there in front of you.'

'I've no time to read books...these are Instruction Manuals for my stuff!'

"I swear! As soon as she saw me, she jumped onto a chair and started screaming! It was hilarious..."

Large handbook for hand held PCs.

"On Monday, they will introduce a new office layout and you'll be near Judy, who isn't good at sharing her charger. Then you'll finish up a report on whether your client's edgy new marketing tactics have been resonating with the 18-34 demographic. The results will be inconclusive and your boss will say, 'Jared, there'll always be another Instagram-based influence strategy to review,' but she also takes a while to approve your annual leave request and you will suspect that the two are related."

"How about this? The story of a little reindeer whose exclusion from reindeer games led to the study of math and science, enabling him to develop levitation tech and thus eliminate the need for flying reindeers, thereby consigning his early tormentors to

"To save time, Dr. Nuclear, we ask that you stop following every correct answer with a bout of maniacal laughter."

"This is why you read the instructions."