Master Of The Mundane Gifts

"At this point, I'm just complaining on fumes."

"Looks like rain."

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

"Have you been eating the paste again, Todd?"

Hang on...I've got WINGS..!!!

"I wanted a Meticulous Monday or a Thorough Thursday report. This reads more like a Frivolous Friday."

"I'm feeling adventurous today, Penny – let's tack on a block."

"Must be the new philosophy teacher."

Houdini's infancy.

Wadder

"Who would've thought Ms. Marcus had so little sense of humor?"

'Yes, it IS a powerful message....but we're selling dental floss.'

"Oh, very funny. If you don't like my cooking just say so!"

Saul Bellow

Vote! Wally Yomp, Congress: 'I promise to put the toilet seat down.'

'See?... I told you I couldn't be hypnotised, didn't I?'

Magician conjures up a crocodile and is chased by it

'I'm leaving, I want to see the world. I can't stay here and spend my life watching grass grow!'

'This is Jake. I'm not in now, so please leave a message...HELLO! HELLO! This is Jake! Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm just mesin' with you! I'm still NOT in!'

'Andy, I want you to put on this clown outfit and hand out balloons today.'

"Fred is the counterpoint to a perpetual motion machine."

"Careful - it's full of lies."

"This one will work for a minute, then jag viciously to the left, rotate 360 degrees, then only move sideways!"

Greg and Lee were having hours of fun with their photo copier breakdown remote control.

Boss, I need to go home, I have an awful toothache. I can't focus. I can't concentrate. It's like someone's stabbing me in the face with a Samurai sword. Oh, that's not that bad. Let me know when it feels more like a Ninja sword. I'm not sure there's a difference. Apparently you can focus just fine.

The Non-erotic Adventures of Patty Williams

Heyyy... where's mine?

'National hug your mom day!'

'I don't want to fight the evil Emperor of the Galaxy! †I want to do my taxes!'

'Are those plugs, Carl?'

Joe Schmoe (a dramatization)

"Please confirm my meeting with the auditors at 2PM, then check the status of my one-way flight to Costa Rica at 1PM."

Masked and maskless

Ribbons for Everyday Life: Cooked A Strange Vegetable, Ironed a Shirt, Remembered Her Name, Removed Rock From Shoe.

"He's great at both sit and stay."