Mundane Philosopher Gifts

"It says here you once ordered take-out for twenty-seven nights in a row. What kind of person does that?"

'Fancy us all being afraid of wasps when there's a WHOLE nest of 'em in my drinks cabinet!'

Nonsense Poem

'Today we will lock the monkey in a room...' 'Why do I volunteer for this?'

'Oh no...I'm living the dream.'

"You have arrived at your destination."

Pig philosophy class - 'I'm pink, therefore I'm ham'

'If only I could accept that I can't accept being someone who finds it hard to accept acceptance from those who accept me for the person that I can't accept I really am.'

30% Heredity, 70% Environment

Toilet roll beauty tips.

The End is Near. Have A Cone.

"If we pull this off, we've made burglary history!"

Oy Vey...

"How the hell are you?"

'The light stays on after I shut the door.'

'I would be more health conscious if only I could also be unconscious.'

"Recycling has become the high point of my week."

'I'm leaving, I want to see the world. I can't stay here and spend my life watching grass grow!'

Shrinking beggar.

'You have to wonder sometimes: What do you think he does with all our milk?'

'This is security. Looks like we have an escape from cubicle 36.'

'There must be an elephant in the room.'

"The end is near."

"Which would you prefer - coming under fire or being raked over the coals?"

Two Men Having Showdown On Small Hill-Top

'If you bark your head off all night in a forest and no one hears you, are you still a bad dog?'

'Somewhere in all of this, there's a great idea for a cartoon.'

"Why didn't you wear a mask?"

Sadly this is about as exciting as life gets for most cows...and some people.

'So? -- What could be more Zen than empty calories?'

Please stand by...for view.

Men discussing tactics of getting a drink from the bar

'Still musn't grumble it could be worse!'

'Sometimes I wonder if I spend too much time throwing batteries at seagulls?'