Chart Critic Gifts

'Take us out to the ball game, take us out with the crowd, buy us some peanuts and crackerjacks, we don't care if never get back...'

"That's not a progress chart, that's the bosses salary chart!"

Work stress.

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

"The trend in tough economic times is to put off everything that doesn't require immediate action ? as this chart shows."

"I'm razzled, but not dazzled."

'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'

No Elgar!

"Actual results indicate that the statistical analysis of the data which projections were based on may have been wrong."

"We need to change, but WHEN?"

'Why can't you tell me you love me without all the charts and graphs?!'

"Here are the new sales figures, which way up would you like them?"

Presentation: Thinking each other are idiots.

'We're holding our own, but I'd really like to see some growth.'

"Until we get a bigger chart, we're estimating it's now about up to here."

'Maybe the reason we don't have those 'off the chart' sales anymore is because our charts are too big.'

'If I may say so, business is booming.'

"I guess someone got up on the wrong side of the podium today."

'Sorry, everyone. That last chart kind of startled me.'

"I believe I can create a great presentation if I can only tap into my cognitive dissonance."

Soaring Profits

Business is off the chart.

Expenses/Income. "Our only problem is working out how to switch these."

'We're all right as long as they think we're taking millions.'

"Cheer up, if this carries on we could become a very attractive takeover target.

"I like his earlier work better, particularly the ones I said I didn't like at the time."

Gloat

'Herb will provide one of his concise interpretations of the quarterly sales charts.'

'This chart shows how much time we waste every day looking at charts.'

"That was a great ideaof yours, chester."

"New studies show that the so-called 'lucky man' made popular by the prog-rock band Emerson, Lake and Palmer was, in fact, just very well-connected."

"The guy who wrote 'The Frog Chorus' is sounding kinda croaky."

'Can't he ever use a different kind of chart?'