Tune Critic Gifts

"You play that song once more and I'll break both your hands!"

No Elgar!

"Instead of singing, I'm going to scream offensive things as loud as I can just to get attention..."

"I guess someone got up on the wrong side of the podium today."

"I like his earlier work better, particularly the ones I said I didn't like at the time."

"The guy who wrote 'The Frog Chorus' is sounding kinda croaky."

"New studies show that the so-called 'lucky man' made popular by the prog-rock band Emerson, Lake and Palmer was, in fact, just very well-connected."

'My love is like a red red rose...'

Elvis fan holding a sign reading 'NOT MY KING'.

"That's not a progress chart, that's the bosses salary chart!"

"Of course I'm going to give him a tip - he should take lessons!"

"I'm astounded that your dog is channeling Eubie Blake! Has he never heard of Elton John?"

'Horace spends his spare time being a rock critic.'

The Music Critic.

"This next song is about narrow-minded record executives and their reluctance to take a chance on anything a bit different."

Philip Larkin

"Coming up... more of the same mindless pop songs with repetitive lyrics and nauseating melodies!"

Mega-Corp Pictures. This film will tell a story about Frederick the Great censuring one of his favorite musicians. "The Empire Strikes Bach"!

"Here's a little song I wrote after hearing it on the radio."

A singer being criticised

"Oooh...yes! I frickin' love this song too!"

'I hate these purists who play Bach without any pedal'

"Good morning - your neighbours have asked me to come and tune your piano."

'That's my dad. He does his best work in the bathroom.'

"I'm not building a nest this year—I want to focus on my music."

"Nice, but not Pavarotti''

"I don't do spells. I'm a wizard at deciphering rap lyrics."

"You know that tune you sang yesterday morning? It was stuck in my head the whole day long..."

Snake Eats the Snake Charmer.

"What do you mean, who are my influences?"

Pianist being pelted with tomatoes.

"Brothers, what we do in life echoes in eternity, if only through the lyrics of a Coldplay song!"

Focus Groupies

The New York Times-Carnegie Hall Poll

'Frankly, I think his caroling was better before he launched a solo career.'