Tune Critic Pillows

"You play that song once more and I'll break both your hands!"

No Elgar!

"Instead of singing, I'm going to scream offensive things as loud as I can just to get attention..."

"I guess someone got up on the wrong side of the podium today."

"I like his earlier work better, particularly the ones I said I didn't like at the time."

"New studies show that the so-called 'lucky man' made popular by the prog-rock band Emerson, Lake and Palmer was, in fact, just very well-connected."

'My love is like a red red rose...'

Elvis fan holding a sign reading 'NOT MY KING'.

"That's not a progress chart, that's the bosses salary chart!"

"Of course I'm going to give him a tip - he should take lessons!"

"I'm astounded that your dog is channeling Eubie Blake! Has he never heard of Elton John?"

"This next song is about narrow-minded record executives and their reluctance to take a chance on anything a bit different."

The Music Critic.

'Horace spends his spare time being a rock critic.'

Philip Larkin

"Here's a little song I wrote after hearing it on the radio."

"Coming up... more of the same mindless pop songs with repetitive lyrics and nauseating melodies!"

A singer being criticised

'I hate these purists who play Bach without any pedal'

"Good morning - your neighbours have asked me to come and tune your piano."

"What do you mean, who are my influences?"

Pianist being pelted with tomatoes.

"I'm not building a nest this year—I want to focus on my music."

Snake Eats the Snake Charmer.

"You know that tune you sang yesterday morning? It was stuck in my head the whole day long..."

"I don't do spells. I'm a wizard at deciphering rap lyrics."

The New York Times-Carnegie Hall Poll

Focus Groupies

'Frankly, I think his caroling was better before he launched a solo career.'

"'50 Shades of Grey?' - Oh you mean the 'Guide to Modern Music...'"